Your Low Self-Esteem Can Wreck Your Healthy Relationship

I said it earlier on this blog that healthy Diet/food is not the only determinant of healthy lifestyle. And i mentioned Primary and Secondary food as the main determinants for health and well-being of which I wrote about four (4) out of twelve primary foods; relationship as one of most important four primary foods. My approach as integrative Nutrition Health Coach is Holistic; creating an integrative plan that assesses all three areas of mind, body, and spirit for each client. Their mental wellbeing, physical wellbeing, and spiritual well being have to be treated at the same time in order to ensure a greater chance at lifelong recovery. Again, primary foods are the foods that nurtures us off the plates. These are the lifestyle factors that create optimal health . I also wrote an article on relationship to the primary food length and how this area is the food for our soul, and also nurture our body, mind and spirit. Permit me to say, relationship is necessary for our overall health and well-being.. And it’s the most important area in the primary food.


Low Self-Esteem (LSE) is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem tend to be hypersensitive. They have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others. They feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. They are “hyper-vigilant and hyper-alert to signs of rejection, inadequacy, and rebuff. Often, individuals lacking self-esteem see rejection and disapproval even when there isn’t any. The danger always lurks that [they] will make a mistake, use poor judgement, do something embarrassing, expose [themselves] to ridicule, behave immorally or contemptibly. While everyone’s self-esteem is vulnerable to other people, who may openly criticize them, ridicule them, or point out their flaws. My argument is that, even greater threat to each person’s self-esteem lurks within. Now let’s talk about how low self-esteem affect our health and well-being :

Connecting or better say integrating high self-esteem to one of the most important areas in the primary food: relationship and how it will affect us if the self-esteem is low. Self esteem is a very important component within a healthy relationship. People who have low self esteem tend to wreck their relationships. People with low self esteem have difficulty believing that they are unconditionally loved and accepted by their partners. In this case, low self-esteem is a health problem in any relationship. The idea of love thyself is not too far fetched. If you do not believe that you worth it, or good enough, how can you expect your partner to think so? It’s one of the trickiest of things, having to deal with your own insecurities. You are always in defensive mode; hide behind childish banters or arguments. Happiness comes from within. If you are happy, being in an unpleasant situation would not be able to squash your spark, however, if you are sad or unhappy from within, it would be difficult even to crack a smile. Let’s take a look at how self esteem affect relationship:

1.Low self-esteem can make one test or sabotage their potentially good relationship.

2.Low self-esteem can result in you settling for less.

3.Low self-esteem can cause insecurity in a relationship.

4.Low self-esteem make you think that your partner deserves better, you become more susceptible to the fear of being dumped.

5.Low self-esteem can make you feel the need to twist and change yourself just so you can be praised by others and fit better. Changing your personality for someone else is never the sign of a healthy mind or relationship.

6.Low self-esteem make you play the blame game and draw a constant comparison. if you think that your partner lost his/her temper because you did not do certain thing which resulted in the start of the downward spiral, you start believing that everything is your fault, is an unhealthy relationship.

7.Low self-esteem make you feel that you cannot survive without your partner.

8.Low self-esteem can make you give your partner/people way too much credit by losing hold of reality and always defend your loved one.

9.Low Self-esteem can make you think too less of yourself and take the blame of every lacking upon yourself, be it from the partner as well.

Research into self-esteem shows that both low and high self-esteem can create emotional and social problems for individuals. LSE is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth, encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame. It is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it. Self-esteem is simply how you feel about yourself and how you judge your worth. Low levels of self-esteem can be linked to social anxiety, lack of confidence, and depression. The healthiest type of self-esteem is moderate self-esteem that is based more on valuing one’s inherent worth as a person and less about comparing oneself to others. Let’s examine some characteristics that best describe people with low self-esteem.




4.Negative (attitude)


6.Socially inept





11.Poor self-image


13.Lacks self-confidence

14.Poor communication

15.Acts out


The good news is that it is entirely possible to overcome low self-esteem! There are two key components to combatting this negative self-image. The first is to stop listening to your critical

inner voice. The second is to start practicing self-compassion. The research shows that people with low self-esteem – who feel poorly about themselves and judge themselves to be inferior to others – are at risk, then, of not fulfilling their true potential in life. You want to feel better about yourself? Here are a few strategies for feeling better about yourself:

1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People: Our competitive culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time…There is always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are.” When we evaluate ourselves based on external achievements, other people’s perceptions and competitions, “our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lock-step with our latest success or failure.” Social media only exacerbates this problem, as people post their picture-perfect moments and shiny achievements, which we compare to our tarnished, flawed everyday lives.

In order to build a healthy sense of confidence, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. Instead of worrying about how you measure up to the people around you, think about the type of person you want to be. Set goals and take actions that are consistent with your own values. And stop being jealous of others, try to do better than others.

2. Live Up to Your Own Moral Code: Self-confidence and self-esteem are built on self-respect. If you live a life that is in line with your own principles, whatever they may be, you are more likely to respect yourself, feel more confident, and even do better in life.

3. Do Something Meaningful: As human beings, we tend to feel good about ourselves when we do something meaningful, taking part in activities that are larger than ourselves and/or helpful to others. This is a beautiful way to go about building confidence and developing healthier levels of self-esteem.

4. Draw Out Your Irrational Beliefs And Feelings And Question Them: Acknowledge your beliefs and feelings, by putting yourself in a position to question them.

5. Stop Taking The Blame For All The Problems In Your Relationship: Encourage your partner to take responsibility for his or her own contributions to the problem and also deal with them.

6. Stop Acknowledging A Painful Experience That Happened To You In The Past: Don’t act on your past or impose it on your partner. Talk about it and get it off your head and mind so that you don’t ruin your currect relationship with your past experience. Stop seeing your bad past relationship in your current relationship.

7. Spend Time In Calming, Nourishing Natural Settings: Visit natural settings where you feel more connected. Feeling calmed, refreshed and revitalized, often star as the benefits of such an excursion.

8. Encourage yourself To Become more secure, self-confidence and bold: Stop feeling jealous or insecure for no reason. Get rid of fear of being dumped by your partner.

9. Communicate regularly: Remember that conflict is natural and inevitable in a relationship. Get comfortable with the idea that conflict in a relationship is not the problem. Recognize and accept your differences. Avoid 24hrs no-communication in the relationship, keep talking even if you’re upset with your partner to avoid “no chance of growing closer together or working through your differences”. Do not blame your partner for the relationship problems you’re facing.

Bottom Lines:

No one is perfect if such problems arise one should seek help instead of giving up and just living one day after the other. The point of life is to live and experience each day with new opportunities and happiness. Self-esteem, at the end, is just you loving yourself and being happy for what you are – whatever it may be. However, if the situation (relationship) is uncontrollably unhealthy, the advice is to quit the relationship for optimal health.

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